People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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