I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
