Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
