She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Semen is not good for contacts.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
