I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
