I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
