please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
