the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
