You work out of a Hotel?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How many fucks given?
0.12846
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
