I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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