i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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