The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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