Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
