you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
