Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
