Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
