he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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