I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
