she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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