i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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