you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
