You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
