I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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