If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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