There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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