new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
