i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
