you guys were way drunker than both of me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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