I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
