Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
