first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
