My first STD was from a foam party
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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