I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
