I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
