Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
