Barsexuality is the new black.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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