dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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