Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
