i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
