The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you never un-have a 4some
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
