hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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