in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
