Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
