I wish I only lived at night.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
