Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
