There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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