Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I checked into jail on foursquare
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
