So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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