I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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