My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
