So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
