How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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