Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
