I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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