Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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