So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
