I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
