Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
