im six kinds of drunk right now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
