How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
