I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
