I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
