you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
